'I don’t believe I’ve ever spent nearly as much time on a song as I spent writing ‘Laundromat’. It’s a simple enough song, but the subject-matter was pretty traumatic and was what led to the mental breakdown that ultimately led to the writing of this record. In 2018 I booked my most ambitious tour ever which consisted of a few weeks in Australia sandwiched between two trans-continental tours of the U.S. Three and a half months on the road playing music mostly by myself. What started as an unbelievably exciting adventure took a turn for the worse when the fast living and carefree life of the highway caught up with me. A budding and intense love affair that had started in the weeks prior to me leaving started to turn south towards the end of the trip and miscommunication, gaslighting, and the attempted suicide of a loved one sent me spiraling. My drinking habits got out of control, hyper vigilance turned to paranoia, the relationship would get worse, my drinking would cause a fight, rinse repeat. On the long drive from Seattle, WA to Missoula, MT the day after a drunken blowout with her I came very close to driving my car off of a mountain pass multiple times. Nearly 10 years after my first time going on tour as a teenager it felt like music and the road, the two things I had dedicated my life to up until that point, had betrayed me and left me broke and completely alone thousands of miles from home. Up until that point in my life I had always dealt with suicidal ideations, but that day was the closest I think I’ve ever come to actually acting on them. After a handful of tempting hairpin turns through the Cascades I pulled over a took a moment to steady my shaking hand. I knew I was at an impasse. Something had to give. Laundromat is about the journey to and back from rock bottom. How unresolved trauma can have you looking for something, anything, to steady what seems like a constant downward spiral. Sometimes it’s booze. Sometimes it’s a person. Sometimes it’s a life on the road running from any sort of vulnerability to actual connection. It’s about breaking from these toxic cycles by recognizing one’s self as a piece of the infinite, and learning to love it all, unconditionally." - Charles Ellsworth for GhettoBlaster Magazine
lyrics
You were walking to the Laundromat,
I was coming home from work.
You said “I got a pocket full of quarters,
Would you like to shoot some pool?
I’ve been in town about a year now
And I ain’t got too many friends,
And I’m just trying to find somebody kind
To spend the afternoon with.
Do you mind?”
“Hope you don’t mind.”
MaryAnn said goodbye about a week and a half back.
And I’d been spending all my time wandering the pages of my past.
Last thing that I wanted was to catch a woman’s gaze,
But there was a kindness in your laughter.
I could see it written on your face.
So I said, “Alright,..’
‘No, I don’t mind.”
Sometimes the motion of the spinning earth, it drives me insane.
And I just
Want to cut and run, but I can’t get away from it all,
‘cause where you go, there you are.
That thing behind your thoughts, observing it’s wretched...
Suicide sweet mornings and the smell of tangerines.
You and all the alcohol were engraved upon my dreams.
Eternity. A Highway. Thoughts of you and myself.
Projections on a girl to decorate a bedroom self.
and I was mystified........
Oh, darling
I could see the future and it was smiling at you.
Laying over worlds apart scratching short of the truth.
The jealous subtleties of an insecure boy.
Addicted to the comfort of an out of reach love.
While the motion of the spinning Earth, it drove you insane.
And I just
Watched you cut and run, now I can’t get away from it all,
‘cause where I go, there you are.
That thing behind my thoughts observing it’s lovely self.
I drove from Utah to Chicago and all of hell in between,
Oh, the sweet, soft pull of icy tombs off Highway 23.
In it to whatever end. Stoned and deaf and blind.
My Honda like a missile,
Just flying through the night.
I watched the future and the truth collide.
Now, I’m just sitting in this motel with you humming through my mind.
The spinning of the earth, I think it’s starting to say.
That you can try to cut and run,
but you won’t get away from it all.
Learn how to love who you are.
Embrace the thing behind your thoughts and let yourself ride on.
Born and raised in the White Mountains of Arizona, Charles Ellsworth first gained an appreciation for a simple, not so
distant past. His vivid lyrics and near-familiar melodies weave to tell stories of heartbreak and loneliness while shining a light on the perseverance of the human spirit....more
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